Saw this image on someone’s FaceBook page earlier today. I instantly liked the pic, but it got me to thinking. Recently I am in a rebuild/transitional stage in my life. I’ve become more aware and actively holding myself accountable for my very uncomfortable situation, I have been in the last few years. I acknowledge my bullshit. I’ve written plans, and working towards solutions to reach all my goals. I try to forgive myself often and as quickly as possible, so I don’t harp on my mishaps. This is hard for me, I’m a perfectionist, and I over analyze EVERYTHING! Again, I know my BS and working on growing. I learn from myself, my actions, and make myself accountable.Dear future husband, I have absolutely no problem with working on me, I will acknowledged and apologize for my foolishness quickly. I am however still progressively learning how to stop doing some of the negative, and break the cycle of my generational crap. Working every day towards being the best Jada I can be.
This Jada I am working to become is a freaking rockstar! She has her shit together, all across the board. Financially, great credit, kind heartened, goal oriented, dream catcher, career thriving, living life in light as much as possible, loving, kind, in a heathy relationship with herself and her MAN. This Jada has a man that loves ALL of her, and she actually trust him to build and grow a bomb ass DYNASTY/FAMILY TOGETHER.
So back to the pic posted. When I read it, I liked it. I know too many women/men in the world who don’t want to work for the dream. They simply want the fantasy already assembled. No shade to these people, they know the game, and somehow figure out how to get others to take care of them.
Calling myself on my own personal bullshit, majority of the men I’ve dated have been bums. No ambition, no drive, no future, stuck in a ghetto mental telepathy as I once was. I’ve allowed men to take from me without providing ANYTHING to my life other than stress. It wasn’t their fault at all, I ALLOWED this to happen. Because my self esteem, worth, and thoughts of myself were so negative and messy, these are the type of men I attracted in my life.
When I did date the more established and ambition men (lawyer, teacher, detective, sheriff, professional athlete), I ALLOWED them to treat me like shit because I wasn’t happy with me. Let me keep it all the way real, some of them didn’t even treat me like crap, I didn’t believe that I was worthy enough to be seen with them. I felt like because I didn’t have a big ass, didn’t own my own loft/condo, bad credit, no savings, pretty much because I wasn’t a “bad bitch” as described by social media and reality tv, I wasn’t desirable.
I am no longer this woman! Because of my evolution into Rock Star Jae, I now understand, appreciate, and know my worth and what I bring to the table (I’ve got IT). Not to toot my own horn, but even with my sometimes EXTREMELY annoying behaviors, and geeky nature, I’m pretty BOMB, and a lot of men have been TRYING to be on team Jae. Because they see this light, of confidence, intelligence, determination, and know my views on building a dynasty with my future mate, they want me to help them GET IT because I’ve GOT IT. What’s even crazier, is this is the just the beginning. When I figure out how to effectively budget, save, and build wealth, I’m going to really be the 💩.
I digress back to picture posted. There is a very thin line between working with someone to help you GET IT, and one who will work to GET YOU because you GOT IT. Let me break it down a little more. Within this evolution, I’ve come across men who only want to be with me because they want me to SAVE them, or they think because of my current situation, I need to be SAVED. I find this trait in usually weak minded, insecure men. Now I am not saying I am better than anyone. I am simply saying I will not and can not “SAVE” any man. A man has to want the best for himself.
Example, I recently took this man up on his offer to take me out. Mind you, this is date number one. On this said date, he was 15 mins late for our date because I asked to meet him at the restaurant instead of meeting him at his house. I would normally leave after the first 5 mins but I’m working on my personal hang ups, so I stuck around. Less than 10 mins into the date, he offered to have my transmission fixed in exchange for me being his “woman” not WIFE. Not saying I would have accepted his proposal had he said wife, but after sitting and talking with this man for an hour, he let me know he had no plans for marriage.
After turning down his offer, we started the usual first day questions of single 30+ yr olds. Some how he felt comfortable enough to as me if I would help him with his company 😳. TF?! Astonished that he really had the nerve to ask me that, on a first date, I played it cool (new leaf, working on being less “bitchy” as some call it). I asked him about his business, his business plan/proposal, I asked did he have a grant/loan already, how was he funding his business. He told me, his aunt who helps him here and there with money, connected him with her older female friend who is writing his proposal and funding his company with out asking for any percentage 😳. Trying to save time and spare his feelings, I let him know I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that with a man I am not married to, let alone making that much of a commitment with a man I’ve only known for 30 mins. This man had the nerve to be offened, but not before he asked me to help him find a truck for his company. At this point all types of red flags are going off in my head. Not only is this man lazy AF, HE isn’t invested in his company. Why TF would I be?!?! The final straw was him asking if believed in him. I POLITELY told him no. Based on the look on his face, I may as well have laughed in his face. I told him that the fact of the matter was, I didn’t know him and based on our last hour together, I couldn’t believe in him because HE DID NOT BELIEVE IN HIM. He would rather find women to do all the work for him and rep the benefit. He paid for dinner, I left a good tip like I usually do. This man counted it and put $5 of the tip I left for the waiter into his pocket. He walked me to my car, I haven’t spoken to his since.
Dear future husband, with all this being said, I have NO problem working with a man who wants and is actively doing is own work to become the best man he can be. I do however have a problem with men who want others to do ALL the work for them. These are usually very unhealthy people which lead to unhealthy relationships. I simply want no part. I personally NEED a God fearing, spiritual man who will be the head of our dynasty. A man who will lead, and provide. I need a man who is strong enough in who he is to know his faults and work towards greatness. A man who confidently knows I am working as well. I need a stable partner who is trustworthy. A foundation of trust in each other’s moves, believing that the moves we are making both together and separately, will harvest the foundation of a great future.